But for this moment, I'm here! And I'd love to share a bit of "the life of Amy J." with you, haha ;)
And because there is SO MUCH that I could share... really folks, I have a full and crazy life, with much that would probably amuse you or maybe inspire, I hope... (I'm rambling already!)... but I will catch you up on the three most significant portions of my life, in no particular order.
My Home and Family....
What can I tell you? I'm a mama to five, you can fill in most of the blanks :) Do you remember back when V was a toddler? Do you remember how strung out I was because he was such a handful? Well... double that. He is STILL a big handful. Oh, that Virgil (3 yrs now)... I love him, love him, love him... but he is always DOING something (boys, right??)... he's punching, he's kicking, he climbing in fridge, in the closet, digging around in the garage for tools, running around in the neighbors yard and inviting himself in for muffins. yeesh. But then he'll come and find me, curl up on my lap and as I nuzzle his ear he whispers, "I wuv you mommy." Then everything else just doesn't matter.
AND... then there's Lucy (1.5 yrs). I truly have come to believe that God gave me Lucy to humble me and make me desperate for him... haha... no joke. She IS that girl with the curl in the middle of her forehead! When she's sweet, oh my she's adorable, yes, curls and all! But mercy when she's mad... and she's mad most of the time... just brace yourself. For example, we drove to California this summer for a vacation... 25 hours in the car, one way. Lucy intermittently cried, whined, screamed about 20 of those hours. seriously. All of my disciplining strategies are being tested and refined here with #5. And my prayer life has jumped up several notches, just let me say!
The three big girls (10, 7.5, almost 6 yrs), as we call them... I have no complaints, in comparison :) They each have more hair that a full grown adult should have... I'm talking crazy amounts of hair. It's beautiful. They are beautiful... and they are growing up waaaaaay too fast.
My Creative Side...
You know since the explosion of Pinterest, blogs, Instagram and the like, I feel like I'm almost always on creative overload. I love it, but I hate it. I loooooove looking at pretty things and getting inspired. But after awhile, I feel like I'm going to burst. Like I just HAVE to let some of it out! I make lists upon lists of all the ideas that come to my mind, triggered by who knows what all that I've seen out there. But since life is busy and other things take priority, then I'm left over-stuffed with unexpressed creativity! AHHHHH! So eventually when I find a chunk of time to indulge...then I go on massive designing, drawing, or decorating sprees. It's good :) You can see the results of the drawing sprees here :)
If you haven't read my About page, then maybe you don't know about my faith... and perhaps this is my greatest mistake over the last months. I wish I could share with you my heart more often in this area. This is my everything. I am nothing, lost, dead, defeated, empty, futile... if not for Jesus Christ my Savior. Just had to say that first off... :) :)
This stage of life for me is hard. (I will direct you back to my comments about Lucy.. haha ) Yet it is so good. I have struggled for a long time with a desperate need to be in control of things...and by things I mean MY things. I won't boss you around, I won't argue with you... but I do want my home in order. I do want my children to mind. I want peace and tranquility in my home. I want to get myself together as well. Be the mom, wife, believer that I should be... blah, blah, blah. It has become an idol or sorts, I suppose. So God is breaking me down... piece by piece, struggle by struggle, child by child :) And I guess there must be a lot of pressure to finish up the work on me, since Lucy is our last!
I am learning to let life be a mess.... in so many ways. It's not that I'm giving into messy floors and piles of laundry. I'm just embracing this life for what it is. It's not heaven. It's a broken place filled with broken people, including me. I'm letting go of longing for the perfection... realize it only can be found in Christ.
I love this quote from C.S. Lewis:
“The great thing, if one can, is to stop regarding all the unpleasant things as interruptions of one's 'own,' or 'real' life. The truth is of course that what one calls the interruptions are precisely one's real life -- the life God is sending one day by day.”
And I've come to the realization, that if all these daily struggles... these interruptions, whatever they may be... keep me desiring him and his perfection, then it's okay. In fact, it's necessary. So I'm learning to start the day by saying, "Okay, God. Have your way. Whatever it is that you have for me today, help me to fall in step... to not fight or complain... Do a good work in me. Teach me. Keep me desperate for you. And let your Holy Spirit consume me so that I am able..."