The other day I snapped a few pics of my girls.... Alice's hair was down and she looked so pretty. She doesn't especially appreciate me taking pictures of her :) She is anything but a poser... she always looks either awkward or annoyed! Ahh... but that's my Alice! None the less, I wanted to get a shot or two of all that pretty hair and safely secure the memory of it. I was working with her desperately trying to get a pleasant look.... when the image in my view finder made me stop. I jumped back 4 years.... I could see my Alice, 2 years old, sitting on the couch with sunlight illuminating the pile of curls on top of her head. She was quite the sight at that age.... petite and precious with dark curly hair that seemed to only accumulate on top of her head, refusing to grown in length on the sides :) That was my favorite age with her.... she was still an only child and she consumed my world. I was so proud of her.
But there in my dining room currently stood my 6 year old... tall and fair with long curly dark hair that no longer fell in ringlets over her warm brown eyes. She was still striking and I was still so proud of her.... but she wasn't my baby anymore. I was overwhelming with the passing of time and all that had changed since then. Where did the time go?
I know this is a common feeling as a mom of growing kids... but sometimes it hits you so oddly, that you feel as if you've jumped into another life. I can hardly remember what it felt like to only have one child, to not feel exhausted and overwhelmed continually... to be able to focus on the joys, accomplishments, needs, and struggles of an individual child.
Yet life is good... and it goes on. Each years multiplies the joys and struggles through the scope of multiple children. Life get more complicated with each year yet increasingly rich. The reality of the dream is so much deeper than it could have ever possibly been dreamed. And for this I am thankful... thankful to a Heavenly Father who holds our lives and our dreams in his hands. He know the days to come and turns our hopes into a deeper, more amazing reality that we could have ever hoped for..... IF... it is in Him. Without him that disparity between what I dreamed of, expected, imagined...and the current reality would seem disappointing... but in him life in all it's complexity is joy. Alice is no longer my only baby... she's a big girl and shortly I will have THREE other little ones! But this is where I want to be.... I don't know where the time went, but I'm thankful that I'm here.
Thank you Lord for where you've brought me... thank you that life is rich and complex, even if it feels overwhelming at times. As hard as life can be, I trust you with these days and the days ahead. You have brought me this far and you will see me through. Help me to never long for the past, but allow you to give me joy for today and hope for tomorrow.
Blessings and Joy for today!