Monday, April 2, 2012
I feel like one of the themes of my life these days is submission.... God keeps calling my attention to it lately. You see, I'm learning submission one piece of my life at a time. Five years ago God taught me submission in my marriage, and it has brought me amazing freedom. Two years ago God taught my husband and me submission with our plans in life on a larger scale... and it has brought us amazing peace. But today I'm struggling with submission on a daily basis in my home. How do I lay down my daily life? How do I give up my control... of my kids, of my schedule, of my work, of my stress?
I was talking to God about it the other day....
"Lord there is so much turmoil in life right now.... so much to fight against and resist. I'm always struggling. I never feel at ease. There are always concerns, stresses, trials. I'm always exhausted, confused, losing ground. I don't know what else to do but keep fighting.... because if I don't, I'll drown.... I'll drown. I'll die..... Oh. I'm supposed to die? So is that what this is all about? Me dying? Me dying so that I can be raised to life anew in you? I think I understand... But Lord, I don't know how to stop striving. I don't know how to just stop kicking and let myself sink down....down into the calm quiet dark of you. It scares me. I don't know what's down there. How do I know that you will bring me back to life in you? Trust... I know. But it's so hard. Help me Lord. Help me to trust you enough to stop kicking and fighting life.... Teach me to trust you, Lord... help me to submit."
I think I'm beginning to understand what I need to do... now just to do it.
Definitely something to contemplate... have some more conversations with God about... as I go into this meaningful weekend.
Blessings to you this Easter season,