I suppose it's time to be honest...

I've been having a hard time lately. Ever since the move things have been ... off. I suppose that's to be expected, but it just frustrates me so much. I guess I have a sinful need to feel in control of things... to have things under control at all times. And if they're not, I do whatever it takes to get things back where they should be. Sometimes this involves God, sometimes I try to do it on my own. I don't like writing this... it makes me feel out of control :)

Nothing is really wrong... but nothing seems right either. My house is not the way I want it, my girls are in need of some serious, yet gentle training (hence my last post), JJ and I feel like our relationship is being strained, and I need a serious attitude overhaul. Not much inspires me, many things anger me, and I'm in serious need of a joyful heart. Before we left, I felt so full of faith, so full of strength. My mind was nearly always where it needed to be... on Him and on his will for me. These days I can't seem to get my selfish mind off me. Well, it's time to get to work... like I said, I've gotta do whatever it takes to get back to where I should be.

On the flip side, I'm not worried though... about what comes next. I do know that my God is faithful, and that he will pursue me. I may feel weak and off, but he is strong and will pull me back. He promises that if I seek Him, I will find Him. I so badly want to get back to the joy of my salvation, Happy Things, feeling full of joy, and being inspired.

JJ and I developed a plan... I used to (in KS) be able to find time in the morning before we started school each day, to have some quiet time. I would usually read my devotional or a passage of scripture, then meditate on a meaningful verse. Sometimes I would post the verse on fb. This really worked for me... helped me really soak in God's word for me for the day. Well, for some reason, I have had such a hard time finding a spot for this in my mornings here. For one thing, the girls' waking up and napping times have gotten all messed up now that they share a room. I find myself clinging to every moment of Sadie's short morning nap to get the most important school stuff done. ANYWAY... I don't know why I'm including all this random info. ALL TO SAY... the plan: JJ is going to get up a little earlier, and be ready by the time Sadie wakes up. This will allow him to watch Sadie for 20-30 min., so that I can have some quiet moments to spend in God's word to start my day. Seriously, that sounds divine to me! I NEVER have alone quiet time! :)

Anyway, I haven't felt like posting much lately... that's why. But God is faithful... I'll be back :)


  1. Could it be, that God's plan for you IS this feeling of unsettled? Often Satan attacks us at our weakpoints, and God turns things around to teach us something! Wonder what that is? I'll be praying. Amy Sterk

  2. Thank you for your honest post here. I will be praying for you!

  3. Thanks for the encouragement :) It's hard for me to honest about my struggles... but your responses make it feel worth it :)


01 09 10 11 12
Blogging tips