I suppose it's time to be honest...
I've been having a hard time lately. Ever since the move things have been ... off. I suppose that's to be expected, but it just frustrates me so much. I guess I have a sinful need to feel in control of things... to have things under control at all times. And if they're not, I do whatever it takes to get things back where they should be. Sometimes this involves God, sometimes I try to do it on my own. I don't like writing this... it makes me feel out of control :)
Nothing is really wrong... but nothing seems right either. My house is not the way I want it, my girls are in need of some serious, yet gentle training (hence my last post), JJ and I feel like our relationship is being strained, and I need a serious attitude overhaul. Not much inspires me, many things anger me, and I'm in serious need of a joyful heart. Before we left, I felt so full of faith, so full of strength. My mind was nearly always where it needed to be... on Him and on his will for me. These days I can't seem to get my selfish mind off me. Well, it's time to get to work... like I said, I've gotta do whatever it takes to get back to where I should be.
On the flip side, I'm not worried though... about what comes next. I do know that my God is faithful, and that he will pursue me. I may feel weak and off, but he is strong and will pull me back. He promises that if I seek Him, I will find Him. I so badly want to get back to the joy of my salvation, Happy Things, feeling full of joy, and being inspired.
JJ and I developed a plan... I used to (in KS) be able to find time in the morning before we started school each day, to have some quiet time. I would usually read my devotional or a passage of scripture, then meditate on a meaningful verse. Sometimes I would post the verse on fb. This really worked for me... helped me really soak in God's word for me for the day. Well, for some reason, I have had such a hard time finding a spot for this in my mornings here. For one thing, the girls' waking up and napping times have gotten all messed up now that they share a room. I find myself clinging to every moment of Sadie's short morning nap to get the most important school stuff done. ANYWAY... I don't know why I'm including all this random info. ALL TO SAY... the plan: JJ is going to get up a little earlier, and be ready by the time Sadie wakes up. This will allow him to watch Sadie for 20-30 min., so that I can have some quiet moments to spend in God's word to start my day. Seriously, that sounds divine to me! I NEVER have alone quiet time! :)
Anyway, I haven't felt like posting much lately... that's why. But God is faithful... I'll be back :)